CONTENTS
Acknowledgments ix
Preface xi
Introduction 1
Part One. Infidelity as Trauma 11
1. Symptoms of Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder
(PISD) 12
Imprisoned in Hurt and Rage
2. Differing Responses of Men and Women to
Infidelity 30
The Many Faces of PISD
3. Those Most Vulnerable to Trauma 40
A Heart Close to Breaking
4. Adult Children of Unfaithful Parents 55
The Pain Goes On
Part Two. Steps to Recovery from the Trauma
67
5. Stage 1: Calming the Emotional Storm
Finding a Safe Haven within Yourself
68
6. Stage 2: Understanding Your Unfaithful Partner
Why? . . . Why Me? 90
7. Stage 3: Seeking Self-Understanding
The Truth Will Set You Free 113
8. Stage 4: Making a Wise Decision
To Be or Not to Be . . . with Your Partner
138
9. Stage 5: Embracing Self-Forgiveness
Freeing Yourself to Love Again 163
10. Stage 6: Forgiving Your Unfaithful Partner
A Healing Journey 183
Epilogue. A Broken Heart Becomes an Open Heart
209
Appendix. Eight Exercises to Deepen Recovery
219
Notes 229
Suggested Reading 233
Index 236
DENNIS ORTMAN is a psychologist in private practice in Detroit,
Michigan. A Catholic priest for fourteen years, Dr. Ortman has been
married for nineteen years. He is the author of The Dually
Diagnosed and The Dual Diagnosis Recovery Sourcebook.
THE AUTHOR SCOOP
If you had to boil the message of Transcending Post-Infidelity
Stress Disorder down to one sentence, what would it be?
If you have suffered from an infidelity and are consumed by rage,
read this book to find relief, forgiveness, and new life.
Who is your hero?
If I could spend a day talking with anyone, living or dead, it
would be Abraham Lincoln. I admire him as a man who displayed
steadfastness and wisdom guiding our country in its most trying
time.
Have you ever met a famous person?
I spent five years studying in Rome and met many Church
dignitaries, bishops, cardinals, and even the Pope. But none
impressed me more than Mother Teresa. Her love, gentleness, and
determination radiated from her tiny sub-five foot frame.
What's the farthest you've ever traveled?
I spent a summer in India working in the slums of Calcutta. That
was my longest journey geographically, emotionally, and
spiritually. Surprisingly, what impressed me most was not the
desperate poverty, but the deep contentment and spirituality of
many of the people I met.
Where were you when you found out that Transcending Post-Infidelity
Stress Disorder would be published?
I was on a golf course in Florida when I received the call that my
manuscript was accepted. After that, my golf game went south, and
my buddies won some money.
If you were alone on a desert island, what book would you take?
If I were alone on a desert island, I would choose the Bible as my
constant companion because of the inexhaustible wisdom it contains.
A second book would be The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
because of their poetic elegance and astute psychological
perceptiveness.
Of all the books on infidelity, this is the first that pegs the
aftermath, accurately in my view, as a trauma that results in a
"stress disorder" with a clear plan for healing. Insightful and
helpful. --Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You
Want
Dennis Ortman writes with generosity and grace about a very
difficult topic. This book is honest, compassionate, and clinically
smart; his strong spiritual message makes the subject of infidelity
far more hopeful and humane. --Pat Love, EdD, author of The Truth
About Love
Dr. Ortman is right on in calling an infidelity a trauma. By
uniting the wisdom of Western psychology with East-West spiritual
traditions, he offers rich, practical guidance and hope. --Janis
Abrahms Spring, PhD, author of After the Affair and How Can I
Forgive You?
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