Table of Contents

Chapter - 1: The Abdominal Snowman Chapter - 2: Alphabet Book (by the Laziest Artist in the World) Chapter - 3: The Argument Chapter - 4: The Child’s Farewell Chapter - 5: Chocolate for Breakfast Chapter - 6: A Cold-Air Balloon Chapter - 7: The Cyclops Just Got Glasses Chapter - 8: Deep in the Land of Ca’narot Chapter - 9: Disneyland Had Nothing on This Place Chapter - 10: The Door Chapter - 11: The Duel Chapter - 12: Eight Chapter - 13: Even the Butterfly Chapter - 14: Fight Fire with Fire? Chapter - 15: The Frog Race Chapter - 16: The Gecko Chapter - 17: The Good-Child Test Chapter - 18: Good Things Chapter - 19: Grown-Ups Are Better (I) Chapter - 20: Grown-Ups Are Better (II) Chapter - 21: Grown-Ups Are Better (III) Chapter - 22: Hey, Kids! Get Your Parents to Read You This Poem! Chapter - 23: Hey, We Finally Found Someone Who Knows That Story About the Snail Who Saved San Francisco! Chapter - 24: How the Fourth-Grader Communicates Chapter - 25: How to Designate an Ungulate Chapter - 26: The Hungry Giraffe Chapter - 27: I Am Not Even Going to Talk About This Next Thing Chapter - 28: I Don’t Like My Illustrator Chapter - 29: I Love Quiet Chapter - 30: The Ice Cream Mondae Chapter - 31: If You Ever Have to Memorize a Poem of Twenty Lines or Longer and Deliver It to Your Class, Then This Is a Pretty Good Choice Chapter - 32: I’m Always Happy in My Room Chapter - 33: I’m Just No Good at Rhyming Chapter - 34: I’m Old for My Age Chapter - 35: I’m Shy on the Outside Chapter - 36: The Incredible Bargain Chapter - 37: The Incredible Story of the Day the Glistening City of San Francisco Was Saved from Certain Destruction by a Lowly Snail Chapter - 38: Infinity Poem Chapter - 39: The Invisible Horse Chapter - 40: The Island Where Everyone’s Toby Chapter - 41: Jack Makes a Fatal Strategic Blunder Chapter - 42: Jack Sprat (Updated) Chapter - 43: Jigsaw Puzzle Difficulty Chart Chapter - 44: Just Be Yourself Chapter - 45: Just Because I’m a Turkey Sandwich and Some Chips Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Have Feelings Too, You Know! Chapter - 46: The Last Time I Ever Went Down to Breakfast Without Making My Bed Chapter - 47: The Latest Bedtime of All Chapter - 48: The Lemonade Stand Stand Chapter - 49: Let’s Meet Right Here in Twenty-Five Years Chapter - 50: The Little Hurts Chapter - 51: Live Each Day Like It’s Your Last Chapter - 52: The Loser’s Cheer Chapter - 53: L-O-V-E Chapter - 54: Luck Chapter - 55: The Monster Under My Bed Instead Is Dead Chapter - 56: Moral: If It’s Not Your Magic Wand, Leave It Alone Chapter - 57: My Dessert Tummy Chapter - 58: Never Switch Your Laundry Detergent with Your Dishwasher Detergent Chapter - 59: The New Bad Word Chapter - 60: Nothing Is Impossible (The Teacher and the Child) Chapter - 61: Nothing Rhymes with Duthing Chapter - 62: The Nursery Rhyme “Little Boy Blue”, With Some Words Replaced by Delicious Greek Food Chapter - 63: The Old Woman Who Lived in Achoo Chapter - 64: On My Intentions of Expanding My Experiences Eating Garden Cuisine, with an Approximate Time Frame Included Chapter - 65: On the Other Hand, They Both Hate Dandelions Chapter - 66: The One-Eyed Orr Chapter - 67: Out on the Farm on a Saturday Night Chapter - 68: The Parent’s Response Chapter - 69: Picture Puzzle! Chapter - 70: The Poem That’s Titled “The Door” Chapter - 71: The Poem That’s Titled “The Poem That’s Titled ‘The Door’” Chapter - 72: The Poem That’s Titled “The Poem That’s Titled ‘The Poem That’s Titled “The Door”’” Chapter - 73: The Poem That’s Titled “The Poem That’s Titled ‘The Poem That’s Titled “The Poem That’s Titled ‘The Door’”’” Chapter - 74: The Race Chapter - 75: The Remarkable Age Chapter - 76: Re-verse Chapter - 77: Roller Coaster + Earthquake = ? Chapter - 78: The Rules of “TIC” Chapter - 79: Sally the Centipede Gets Her Shoes On to Take a Walk with Her Mum Chapter - 80: The Secret of My Art Chapter - 81: A Short Saga Chapter - 82: The Shortest Anaconda in the World Chapter - 83: Somebody Stole My Bagel’s Hole Chapter - 84: Sometimes I Don’t Want to Share Chapter - 85: The Sweetest Lullaby Ever (for Parents to Tell Their Children) Chapter - 86: Ten Ginormous Hippos Jumped on a Bed Chapter - 87: ’Tis Better Chapter - 88: Toasted Knight for Lunch Again? Chapter - 89: Trapped! Chapter - 90: Two Roads Chapter - 91: Under My Dragon’s Wing Chapter - 92: Unfair Riddle #1 Chapter - 93: Unfair Riddle #2 Chapter - 94: Unfair Riddle #3 Chapter - 95: The Unipede Chapter - 96: The Valleys Shape the Mountains Chapter - 97: The Way We’re All the Same Chapter - 98: What? You Think I Have a Bad Memory? Chapter - 99: What Happened to Us Monsters? (The Mummy’s Lament) Chapter - 100: The Whydoo Inside You Chapter - 101: The World’s Best Offer Chapter - 102: Worst. Birthday Party. Ever. Chapter - 103: Yes Means No and No Means Yes Chapter - 104: Yesterday’s Tomorrow Chapter - 105: You’ll Never Feel as Tall as When You’re Ten

Promotional Information

"...it's everything a book for kids should be." (BJ Novak, actor and bestselling author of The Book With No Pictures)

About the Author

Chris Harris is a writer and executive producer for How I Met Your Mother and a writer for The Late Show with David Letterman. His pieces have appeared in The New Yorker, Esquire, ESPN, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and on NPR. He lives in Los Angeles.

Lane Smith is the creator of It's a Book, It's a Little Book, Grandpa Green and A Perfect Day. In 2017 he won the CILIP Kate Greenaway Medal for There Is a Tribe of Kids. Lane Smith and his wife, the designer Molly Leach, live in a small town in rural Connecticut, USA.

Reviews

Highly recommended. I think it will make children wriggle with delight * Stephen Fry *
I'm just no good at describing how wonderful this book is. Smart and sweet, wild and wicked, brilliantly funny - it's everything a book for kids should be. -- BJ Novak, author of The Book With No Pictures
I am a grown man and this book made me laugh out loud. When I was a kid, this was the kind of book that made me want to make comedy. -- Jason Segel, actor, screenwriter, producer, star of How I Met Your Mother
Chris Harris is one of the funniest, sharpest, cleverest (not a word) writers I've ever known (and I'm not just saying that because we share a last name). This book made me laugh and laugh and laugh. I can't recommend it enough -- Neil Patrick Harris, actor, author, star of How I Met Your Mother

There once was a poet named Chris,
Whose book is quite hard to dismiss,
His poetry skill
Gives me quite a thrill
And it's hard to write poetry, particularly if it's supposed to rhyme or fit into a certain rhythm, and if you don't believe me, take a look at this.

-- Lemony Snicket, author of A Series of Unfortunate Events
Chris Harris is a poet and everyone should know it! Love this book! -- Andrea Beaty, author of Rosie Revere, Engineer
A frolicking romp through the zany world of nonsense verse...wildly imaginative and cleverly illustrated. The inspired and inspiring sense of play knows no bounds. * Kirkus *
Hits a poetry trifecta: high energy, rhymes that can rival Cole Porter's, and a torrent of ideas.... A worthy heir to Silverstein, Seuss, and even Ogden Nash * Publishers Weekly *
Those who claim to hate poetry will enjoy this riotous compilation.... Fans of Ogden Nash, Shel Silverstein, and Jack Prelutsky will rejoice in finding another member of their gang. Smith matches Harris's wit with his own zaniness.... A surefire winner * School Library Journal *
A magnificently wacky romp through verse... This moving, madcap anthem to language is sure to stand the test of time * Booklist *
The best poetry book of the year * The BookBag *